Truer words were never spoken than on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have known this girl for a long time and she’s become like an older sister to me (she is a bit older than me) and I have developed feelings for her — not just her looks, but the way she moves, the way she talks, the way she acts, etc. What do I say to her that will make her like me without letting her know that I like her?

— Arson

Dear Arson,

Probably something like “I never want to see you again.”

Love,
Breakup Girl