Desperately single on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I need to whine, and I think this might be the best (most constructive) place for it. I’m having a really hard time being single at age 35! I feel so isolated lately. I live alone, in a town that’s very popular with 20-somethings. Most of my friends are married, engaged, living or completely involved with their significant others. Ditto for my co-workers, who are also much older than I am, so there’s no social action there. I do belong to a gym, but that’s yet to produce any dates. I join groups, I go to networking events, I get out, but I am BURNED OUT on the search! I even tried the personals. I haven’t had a date since December, and I don’t see any prospects on the horizon. Let me add that I am very attractive, spirited, smart, and warm. I wonder — is there anybody else out there suffering from the 30-something dry spell? What is a girl to do? I’m actually thinking of trying to find a bartending or waitressing job, just so I can meet and flirt with some men again! This situation is crazy! Any insight!?

— Ann

Dear Ann,

“Attractive, spirited, smart, and warm.” Say, Ann, did you cut and paste that from your personal ad? Okay, sorry, Breakup Girl is giving you a hard time — and you’re having enough of one as it is. How annoying: you’re doing all the “right” things, and still nothing. The waitressing thing is, actually, not a bad idea. Not just in terms of the flirt factor, but also because of the sheer act of shaking thing up, of ceasing to spin your wheels in the same old circles and haunts. According to Helena Hacker Rosenberg, one of Breakup Girl’s trusty “experts” and author of the evidently much needed book How to Get Married After 35 (no, Ann, you’re so not alone), this kind of thing is often just what it takes, even if the “results” occur indirectly. I’m also thinking: how about one of those singles’ trips? Not the dorky kind; the super cool hiking expeditions, nature tours, Euro-vacas, etc. Again, I’m guessing that for you the key is going to be change of scenery, literally. And do read HHR’s book, but not on the plane. Good luck.

Love,
Breakup Girl