Dear Breakup Girl,

My fiance and I recently split. I did the deed, as he became at first distant, then emotionally abusive, then completely absent in body and soul. I’ve returned my wedding dress, sold my wedding ring (I paid for it, I can sell it), and am in therapy. So what’s my problem? He still lives in the building I’ve inhabited for nearly 14 years. We rented separate studio apartments, and when we were together, one was our bedroom, one our living area. He has no plans to leave the building. We no longer speak. I don’t know whether to leave, stay and get over him, or send hate mail. What would you do?

— Deborah

Dear Deborah,

I would get the hell outta Melrose. Look, it’s bad enough when someone see their ex all day at work or at school … but that’s work or school. You’ve got him at home. And at home, it’s personal. “Stay and get over him?” As if. I’m sure you are a sane, reasonable — not to mention busy — woman, so you don’t need Breakup Girl to tell you that you simply don’t have time to figure out “what to wear” to the incinerator or make baked goods for the doorman in exchange for a When and With Whom log. Heck, you hardly get around to doing your own laundry, never mind inspecting his.

So go. I know it’s been fourteen years, but still. It’s not a retreat, not a concession. If you leave, you don’t “lose.” For, you moving out will mean moving on. I’ll spare you the pun about a new “lease” on life.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Originally published February 9, 1998