Missed connections on April 27, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

For around a year a girl who I’ve become really good friends with has been in love with this guy from overseas. We both are mad internet fans (she met this guy on chat). I know it probably seems really interfering but I am so worried about her because she gets so upset whenever she doesn’t hear from him for a while… this may sound crazy to non-net addicts (are there actually any?!?!) but there it is. I’ve been trying to be supportive of her but I’m getting really angry with him because I’m the one (along with another close friend) who’s left to comfort her when he doesn’t e-mail/come into chat/phone for extended periods of time. THEN when he DOES talk to her it’s always about bloody computers! (He works with them.) It is really bewildering for her because one moment he says he loves her and wants to be with her blah blah blah and that he wants to come over here soon and the next he pulls on this “I’m too old for you… you need to experience more in your life!!!” I wish he’d just be consistent and let her know whether it’s yay or nay. I really don’t know what to tell her anymore and I’m looking for advice.

— Unsure and Worried

Dear Unsure,

First of all, it doesn’t sound crazy that (1) she gets upset when she doesn’t hear from him, or that (2) he talks about computers when she does. One is a function of real life (RL); the other is a function of net-addicts. What is crazy — or, at least, not ultimately useful — is for you to try to be “supportive” past a certain point. You might need to tell (email?) her that you love her dearly, are worried about her, and hate to see her battery life zapped by this drainingly binary boy. AND that you now have no more RAM left for conversations about this with her. If a friend puts her foot down, she may be inspired to as well.

Love,
Breakup Girl