Getting over … yourself on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

A long time ago I went out with this boy. It wasn’t a bad relationship, it wasn’t a good relationship…it was an ugly breakup. After the breakup he actually slept with my best friend (whom I also no longer speak to).

Well, while we were dating he introduced me to many people. One of which I married (less than one year after we broke up). I have been deliriously happy for a number of years and want to put the horrible relationship behind me. I want to contact this old boyfriend and thank him for introducing me to the most wonderful man in the world and apologize for being a bit “bitchy” during the breakup. Is this the stupidest idea I have ever had? Am I looking for closure? Or rubbing it in?

— Katrina

Dear Katrina,

Rubbing it in. If you want to apologize, fine, but leave Mr. Wonderful out of it. Sounds to me like you’ve already got closure, and anyway — as evidenced by the enduring popularity of stores such as Home Depot — the best kind of closure is do-it-yourself. Not the kind that depends on hearing someone else (you know who) say, “I forgive you,” or “I’m so happy that you’re happy.” The kind you create on your own, by sheer force of will (or symbolic girly ritual). (Speaking of Home Depot.)

Love,
Breakup Girl