The winter holidays can be a tough time of year whether or not there’s a dependent Claus in your life. It’s hard to be single at Yuletide, because for one thing, you have to hear your parents say things like, “Won’t your friend be joining us this year?” and “Well, did you sit with anyone interesting on the train?” and “Are you sure you have a good dermatologist?” It’s also hard to be in a couple at the holidays, because it’s … expensive. What to do? How much to spend? Where to kiss? What is wassail? Here’s Breakup Girl’s mini-FAQ…

Should I buy my new boyfriend/girlfriend a holiday present?

Ah, a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. (There’s also the less common — but perhaps more serious — problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example. )

So here’s the rule of thumb: at the early stage, your presents should not be commanding. In other words,
DO: pick up a little something sweet, warm, or fuzzy — chocolate, mittens, dice — that says “Hey there, I think you’re kinda sweet, warm, and fuzzy.”
DON’T regale him with anything time-consuming, grand, or intimidating — a ten-course dinner, a romantic weekend at a B&B, a mortgage — that says “Sit here, stay here, sign here.” Give someone new that kind of Christmas gift, and I give your relationship, oh, 12 days.

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When should my boyfriend/girlfriend meet the family?

Meeting The Family is Significant, but it doesn’t signify the same thing for every family. Some people hang out with their folks a lot because they have a righteous beach house and invite “new friends” over all the time, no big thing. For others, bringing someone home is like the “Flashdance” audition scene with the stern people at long table in the big, empty room.These distinctions — even more than timing — are key. Even if you’re ready for the meet ‘n’ greet, is your partner? If he or she appears overeager, freaked out by, etc. your or their own invitation, remember — literally — where they are coming from. Or, if you don’t know, ask. “Hey, whoa, this parent thing seems to be striking a chord. Wanna share?” You two should be able to start with a reasonable discussion about what the meet-the-family thing “means.” If someone raised you right, that is.

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Should I break up before the holidays?Well, if the breakup’s waiting waiting to happen, don’t just, you know, stay together for the chimney. ‘Cause ’tis better to wish you were standing under the mistletoe with someone than to be standing under the mistletoe with someone wishing you weren’t.(Bonus: with any luck, when you do do the deed, your victim may still be groggy from the tryptophan in the turkey.)