Another good bi from March 30, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Ohmigod! This guy, my kinda friend, just told me he wants to ask me out. He’s really strange. He’s a bisexual, which is totally cool with me if we’re friends, but not as a boyfriend. He paints his nails and dyes his hair and carries around hair cream. The whole thing just kinda creeps me out. I’m really spazzing now because it is so odd to be around him. To tell you the truth I don’t even like him that much! I feel really bad but! Ahh help me please!!!!!!!!!

— SOOOOOOO Stressed

Dear SOOOOOOO Stressed,

Ohmigod! Relationships are, like, complicated enough, even when they start out on the right foot. But believe you me — and I think you’re catching on to this — “I don’t even like him that much” is soooooo the wrong foot to start out on, even if the toes thereupon are sporting some phat shade of Hard Candy. So if you do want to hang with him, say, “Hey, thanks a million, I’m not sure dating would work, but hanging out would be great,” and then walk the talk. If you don’t want to hang out with him, say, “Hey, thanks a million, I’m not sure dating would work.” And let me leave you with one question: is it odd to be around him because you’re profoundly concerned for his feelings, or because — much the same way Cordelia used to find it “odd” to be around Buffy, Willow, and Xander — the only vote he’ll get for Popularity King is from the hair cream lobby? Think about it.

Love,
Breakup Girl