Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently tapped my home phone and found out my wife was planning to meet a male “friend” to “hang out” for the coming weekend. A few days before, she told me she was going out-of-town to hang out with some old girl friends.

I confronted her with what I thought was a planned affair. She denied any affair, and insists that the guy is only a friend and nothing else. Although the conversation I heard had no explicit plan, i.e. “…we’ll meet and screw,” it was fraught with the kind of sexual tension and innuendo that only two lovers have. He was saying things like “the door is always open…” etc.

I pressed the issue and my wife admitted that they had had an “incident” before we met. She says that she has no intention of sleeping with anyone but me and that she loves me, and that this guy is not sexually interested in her. However, their phone conversation sounded totally different too me.

I didn’t reveal how I got my info, but now I don’t know if I should trust my wife. Is this an innocent diversion? Or something that is bound to happen?

— Sleeping With One Eye Open

Dear One Eye Open,

Okay, eeeuuw.

First of all, here is Breakup Girl’s Snooping Statute, as articulated by Breakup Psychotherapist/Moral Compass Belleruth Naparstek: Don’t do it. If you do do it, you can’t use the data.

Okay, too late. So.

Speaking of don’t do it and do do it, this “did not/did too” spiral you guys are in is getting you nowhere. At this point, Breakup Girl does not know or care who did or didn’t do what with whom. You tapped the phone? Listen, Kenneth Starr, that’s not something that says to Breakup Girl, “Hello, our relationship was in a positive place to begin with.” Open both eyes and get counseling. Or out.

Love,
Breakup Girl