Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 18 years old, graduated from high school, and am now well on my way to completing my first year of college. I managed to graduate from high school and make it through almost an entire year of college without actually having had a boyfriend. I haven’t really gone on that many dates, either. No, I do not have low self-esteem and/or think there is something wrong with me physically or mentally. My problem is that I have never actually been kissed! I mean, how am I going to explain this to future dates? I’m really dreading this since my roommate is currently trying to fix me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends who supposedly likes me. Help!

— Blake

Dear Blake,

Breakup Girl finds your letter very refreshing. Most people say things more like, “I managed to graduate from high school and make it through an entire year of college without ever actually doing long division.”

Anyway, say nothing. There’s no need-to-know here. Kissing is not like that old catch-22 of the job market — you don’t have to have experience to get experience. All of us old-timers have never done anything but wing it. And, well, some of the old-timers — men and women – still kiss like Jaws. Arguably, the best, most wondrous, reverent, care-taking kissers are the novices (or those who can still channel the old days). They’re the ones saying to themselves, “Ohmigodpsychepsychepsyche! We’re actually kissing!” rather than “OK, now what?” So keep your mouth shut…but your lips slightly parted, also. Trust me, you’ll get the hang of it.

Love,
Breakup Girl