Giving him a hand on March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met a lady online last June and we hit it off and met in August. In October she let me know while visiting her that she just wanted to be friends. We had gotten pretty tight up ’til then and it hurt like hell. My problem is that during the courtship I gave her some keepsakes and some gifts. I told her when she knew I wasn’t “the one” that all she has to do was return the keepsakes and everything would be cool. Well it is now March and no keepsakes (pics from my childhood and a plaster cast of my hand at 2 weeks old). We talk occasionally and I have been politely letting her know that returning them will help me get closure. She has given me no other indication that she wants anything else. What should I do?

— Want It Over With in KC

Dear KC,

Tell her you’re coming over for the keepsakes; then make yourelf a sign that says: FOR PETE’S SAKE, DON’T KEEP YOUR KEEPSAKES AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE. Then cast it in plaster.

Love,
Breakup Girl