I think we all know this gal:

“Having such an optimistic outlook on her love life is not uncommon for Castlen, who since reaching dating age has undergone more than 23 changes in relationship status, ranging from long-term abstinence to a brief but intense affair with a married man. The 26-year-old has also celebrated three serious relationships that lasted the perfect length of time, five just-what-she-needed dumpings, two hookups with ex-boyfriends that ‘gave her closure,’ and an abruptly canceled engagement that Castlen said she couldn’t have planned better herself. “

Hey, at least she’s happy!

Thanks, Onion.

(Bonus: New Nervous-Energy Drink Recreates Feeling Of Waiting For Girl To Call)