Don’t you wish this sort of thing happened in real life?

A blatant, bling-laden, warmongering jerkwad receives quick and humiliating justice when a mysterious super-person of questionable ethics (hero? villain? you be the judge!) lays a seductive trap using ToolBoy’s own ego against him.

Oh, wait. I guess in this season of political celebrities and scandal, when the plots of comic books and Times articles can be easily quilted together like partisan MadLibs, “reality,” while very grim,  is also occasionally entertaining.

I’m talking, of course, about the case of Mr. Gabriel Schwartz. After a busy day telling LinkTV.org he supports a platform of “less taxes, more war,” which Team BG can’t defend even grammatically, the 29-year-old attorney and delegate to the Republican National Convention is now missing at least $50,000 worth of loot (possibly up to $120,000, say the cops).

You see,  just hours after Schwartz’s feisty interview, he met a young lady in a hotel bar, took her to his swanky room — and when he woke up, he just couldn’t figure out where he’d left his favorite $30,000 watch. Or the $20,000 ring. Or the $4000 earrings. Or the $1000 Prada belt.

Police!

No one here can, in principle, endorse felonious behavior or make light of an attack that may have involved drugs that, in other cases, have been used to rob people of much more. It’s good that Schwartz was not physically harmed, and hey, it’s a free/expensive country; he can buy what he wants. (Like, whatever he wants.)

BUT. My fantasy is that Minneapolis is home to a rogue sex worker superhero who used her powers of allure and mixology to free this 29-year-old attorney from some of his burdensome riches. And that the Obama-Biden campaign, hurricane victims past and present, and the NGO’s of Iraq have all just received sizable contributions.