Getting back out there on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?

— Brook

Dear Brook,

Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.

Anyway, my advice to an NYC girl: live in NYC. I mean, really live. Do all that stuff in Time Out New York, etc., etc. See, as I’m sure you realize, there’s, um, a lot of killer stuff to do here — and it’s notuncool to do it alone (unlike in Los Angeles, where the only thing that’s cool to do alone is drive). And by “alone,” I mean “approachable.” And “able to approach.”

For backup, read How to Get Married After 35: A Game Plan for Love by Helena Hacker Rosenberg. It’s a totally wise and practical guide that doesn’t talk down to you, load you up with dumb opening lines, or make you feel like a loser.

A final note to everyone who’s been over at BG HQ lately: See, I’ve been meaning to mention this book in answer to just this kind of question. That is why it has been sitting on Breakup Girl’s desk. Okay?!

Love,
Breakup Girl