Two ships passing on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am living overseas and I met a guy over the holidays who was just in town for two weeks. I met him one night and we just clicked. I didn’t want it to happen since I knew he would be leaving, but it did. I always believed that when you find that right guy you will know from the moment you meet him, and with him I got that feeling. It was amazing. Now he is gone but we do keep in touch with e-mail and when he can call he does. The problem is that I know there’s a 95% chance that I’ll never see him again. Now whenever I meet guys I just can’t get interested in them no matter how great they might be. Should I just forget my first love and move on, or should I let time take its toll. I feel so empty without him, though.

— Lonely Without Him

Dear Lonely,

Try living in Brooklyn. As far as Manhattan boys are concerned, the outer boroughs of NYC might as well be overseas. Oh sure, they e-mail, and call when they can — but still, 95% chance, yada yada yada.

Anyway, very important: I need to address this thing about “you’ll know from the moment you meet him.” Fine. It does happen. But I’m telling you, for every person I know who says “I just knew,” I know someone else who says, “Well, the first time we met I actually thought he was a huge loser.” Okay? I am absolutely serious. I don’t doubt that you waaaaaay clicked with That-Feeling Boy. But don’t be so hooked on a feeling that you cut bait on other opportunities. That said, also don’t assume that it’s the memory of TFB that’s getting in the way. Maybe, so far, you’re honestly just not that interested in anyone right now. Just as one strong feeling doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s Right, a lack of feeling doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s Wrong.

Love,
Breakup Girl