Floating in a vacuum on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am currently separated from my wife of six-plus years — have two children (teens) from a prior marriage … one with me, one with her. She has the house — I have an apartment in a remote area. She has a high-power job with the county — I am unemployed. We have been separated for a month. Nothing has been said about the future. I need to know if she wants to be with me in the future???? Should I cut my losses now … and move on — ??? Am almost 50 and don’t really want to go through the dating game again. There are many unresolved issues … but I feel that if the relationship is #1 then everything else will follow suit….???

— Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Okay. I mean this gently: you are definitely lost in space. About whether your wife wants to be with you in the future: well, I don’t intend to be flip, but don’t ask Breakup Girl, ask her. If she does, make a plan. How will you resolve these unresolved issues? What has to happen before she’s ready to have you back in the house? If not, make a plan: how will you handle making this separation official? If she’s not sure…make a plan: when — and how — will she know?

Here’s the danger, Will Robinson. If the relationship “is #1,” then yes, as you say, other things may follow suit. But this is not magic. Thinking “Okay, if I can fix my relationship, then everything else — my job, my future — will be fixed, too!” is about as effective a plan as casting Matt LeBlanc in a scifi thriller. “Other things” “happen” to follow suit as a result of actually vaulting out of limbo, refusing to settle, and taking charge of what’s going on in all areas of your life — not just crossing your fingers, hoping, and idealizing. You may be in space, but you’re not weightless.

Love,
Breakup Girl