Drifting in orbit on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Does Breakup Girl have advice for a separated mom who feels like she is in limbo? My husband decided he wanted space. He moved out and now I am still in the house with the kids. It’s not like I am fond of rejection, but I feel like I should try to make it work before calling it off. It’s been five years, and it was supposed to be forever. I don’t know if there is someone else. Maybe, but he works 90 hours a week, so I don’t know when. Thanks.

— Lonely in Suburbia

Dear Lonely,

It was supposed to be forever, and the fact that it may not be really, really stinks. But when you’re ready, you’re going to have to deal with this as a matter of practicality, not principle. You may not be able to “make” the relationship work with some assemblage of words, actions, and tactics, the way the guys in “Apollo 13” made the rocket work with styrofoam, a fan belt, and a Slinky. But you can set up a framework in which both of you can figure out if it’s going to work.

Lonely, it’s time for you to assume the role of Ed Harris in Houston and take charge of landing this thing in … well, no more than two pieces. See above: guidelines, deadlines. He’s got his space; he moved out. Space, however, isdistance — not total freedom, lack of responsibility, or permanent limbo. He can’t have his space and his cake. He’s still your husband and your kids’ dad … but you have a life to get on with, with or without this co-pilot. Tell him that if he plans on orbiting indefinitely, he shouldn’t count on your crash pad.

Love,
Breakup Girl