Love at first sight on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

This might sound weird, but I think I fallen in love with someone I saw on T.V. It has been almost 6 months and I still can’t get her off of my mind. I went onto the internet to find some information on her and that was a huge mistake because I found out that we have A LOT in common and I think we could be great together. It isn’t the fact that she is beautiful becuase I could name ten more beautiful women. I must sound like a crazy fan here but I feel like I’m linked to a person I don’t even know. If I didn’t believe in love at first sight then I do now. I could go on to say soul mate and true love but at this point that would be foolish, who knows maybe that will be thinking in three more months of going through this. Could you please help me? I have no clue what to do and it’s driving me crazy.

— Going Crazy

Dear Crazy,

Oooh, ooh, was it me? Wait, that wouldn’t make sense (“ten more beautiful women,” yada yada yada). But listen, Crazy, I’m not about about to call you crazy, ’cause you know what? Breakup Girl’s crush on David Duchovny goes far, far beyond the “ohmigodhe’ssuchaHUNK” thing. I mean, I really, honestly think we’d be great together. And to tell you the truth, our relationship really hasn’t changed all that much since he got married. Anyway, point is, I kind of understand how you feel. But I also — well, let’s just say it’s not like I’m waiting for David. I mean, I think he and I could have something real, but I’m not treating it as such. And that’s the distinction you’re going to have to make. Gaze at her picture; heck, send her fan mail if you want … but only between dates with women you’ve actually met.

Love,
Breakup Girl