And yeah — much like this story on Tango’s website muses about the onstage-only heat that’s generated between Dancing with the Stars’ two-stepping twosomes — I three-quarters wish that Shawn were dancing in the sheets with Mark Ballas. Despite the whole, you know, potential ick factor of her being underage and all.

*Translation: Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson, all of 16, won this season’s Dancing with the Stars mirrorball trophy Tuesday night. She was considered a way-underog behind French-fried throb du coeur Gilles Marini, who qualifies as an aforementioned “star” because he gave us all a peep at his pecker in the Sex and the City movie.