I could tell from the very first TV commercial for Obsessed that it would be a hit, and the weekend’s box office receipts have borne that out. First off, it’s been way too long since the last trashy she-stalker movie! (And Swimfan hardly counts since it was a teen movie.) (Erika Christensen, don’t cut me!) Plus it cleverly exploits the “white women are stealing our men!” meme, AND it features empowerment-you-can-dance-to diva Sasha Fierce herself! Movie magic.

Now then, as a public service for those of you on Team Larter, the LA Times provides a helpful list of Do’s and Don’t for the modern psycho-bitch on the go! A sample:

Do: Befriend a high school classmate. Move in with her family. Put the moves on her dad. Murder her mom and make sure it looks like a suicide.

Don’t: Flip out. Wreck the car. Then blame it on your friend. She’ll figure out you’re evil and push you off a balcony. (Poison Ivy)