Totally inappropriate on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Ok BG I have a good (long) one for ya. First off I am a just turned 20 male sophomore in college. Through the last years of high school most of my friends either moved off due to parents in the military or they went on to different colleges. Some of my old acquaintances went to the local university with me but they are not really the friends of old.

One of the more enjoyable habits I picked up was the local skating rink…as a child I hated it but now it is one of my favorite past-times. The problem stems from this…most people my age do not go skating cause it is uncool. This doesn’t bother me at all but does kinda take away some socializing with people my age (most people my age locally are drunks or druggies, I know there are some good ones out there but they are too hard to find.) Most kids there are around the 11-14 year age range. I am also active in Boy Scouts so I try to be a positive male role model in any way that I can. Many of the children there look up to me as a big brother or even as a father in rare cases. This is a high that none other could rival (except one). While I am there some of the girls confide in me with boy troubles…my main response is to give the relationship one more try then if it doesn’t get better then break up with him.(I feel as if I’m one of your branch offices but I enjoy it the same as you.)

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Stuck in the past of September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I need to know how to get back at my (now) gay ex. He’s a big jerk and seems to think he’s all that and more. I want to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. What should I do? (And yes I have moved on to someone else whom I love.) Thanks.

— Hope

Dear Hope,

You should move on to someone else whom you love.

Oh wait, you did that.

Then you’re all set.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Waiting by the computer on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s my quandary– my boyfriend “Sardahki” and I were the best of friends, extremely close, saw each other for 7 months, and embarked on most of our emotional and sexual journeys together for the first time. Well, 3 months ago we broke up, for he was leaving for college. He said he’d email me when he got to school, which he did, and I responded. However, it’s been 3 weeks, and I’ve not heard from him. I don’t know that he got the letter because things happen and perhaps it got deleted, or something. (Besides, it was kind of hardcore, so I expected SOME kind of a response…). So, my question: Do I resend the email, assuming he never got it? Or, assume that he got it and didn’t care to respond? and if I do send it and he has already read it, what do I say, because that could be potentially humiliating. Any input would be helpful.

–Nahmi

Dear Nahmi,

As bad as it is to break up with someone via email, it’s worse to break up with someone via not answering their email. I know you guys were already broken up; I’m just saying. Nahmi, I have to tell you that I have a feeling he did get your mail. He wasn’t sure how to respond to something “hardcore” given that you guys had broken up, and on top of it all, he’s distracted and consumed by starting college. Then, the longer he goes without writing you back, the more he employs that twisted human logic, “Well, it’s been so long now, I can’t write her back…” So, big big big OUCH. I suggest that you send hin one more light email, saying, “Hey, hadn’t heard from you, wondering how you are.” That kind of thing. Give him a chance to catch up. And if he doesn’t — or even if he does — give yourself a chance to move on.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Finding comfort on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m too shy to ask guys out. I’m afraid they’ll say no and humiliate me for the rest of my life. What should I do?

— Daisy Girl

Dear Daisy,

What you should do is know is that this is the exact same fear that has kept guys from asking women out since the dawn of history.

Now do they seem less scary?

Love,
Breakup Girl

Unresolved feelings on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with a guy for 4 years. Two years into it, when I was 24, I found out I was pregnant. Pretty bad timing since I was about to move to another city and he was about to go on tour with his band. We were both broke. We hadn’t really decided to break up, but he had insisted he wasn’t interested in maintaining a long-distance relationship (although it turned out we did, a sloppy on and off one). We knew that I was pregnant for a week before I had my abortion. In that time, we didn’t discuss it very much. Although I wasn’t entirely against having a child, I couldn’t picture ourselves together. I’ve always been pro-choice, so although it was a painful decision, I felt at the time it was the right one. I was pretty sure I would have to do it alone, and I didn’t think I could be a good mother in those circumstances.

He and I have been apart now for about 4 years. I, for some unknown reason, am still very attached to him. He lives on the other side of the country and just became engaged to someone else. I am with someone else too who I enjoy a lot, but am not in love with. Me and the long-distant ex- had been talking on the phone, in the hopes that we could build a friendship that could continue after his marriage. During our last conversation, he asked me why I had had an abortion since he had been ready to have a child. I am pretty sure that he never told me that back when we had an option. We might not have discussed it as much as we should have, but then again, we never discussed anything enough which is probably one of the reasons the relationship didn’t work out.

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Lacking confidence on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I kicked my girlfriend out of my apartment at college because since we moved in together she has been sucking me dry of money. In only a month that we lived together I gave her $850.00 dollars. I feel I was the idiot. Well, now I am having a hard time having the courage to ask girls out on a date — yes, I fear rejection and honestly I have no confidence in myself to flirt or whatever. Seems like all the girls I’m interested in want the jocks or the ones with the new trucks. What should I do? I already turned down Model Search because I was still in a relationship — should I pursue that still?

— Rick

Dear Rick,

Does anyone want to tell Breakup Girl what “Model Search” is? Seems to me like we have enough of them, without having to go looking. Or, are some missing?

In the meantime, listen, Rick: you had a bum deal with that girl, and it’s made you twice-shy. But I think the balances in your security and confidence accounts might have been a little low even before then. I’m sure it was very nice of you to give her so much money, but it was also a little needy. On your part. Did you maybe think that getting an ATM card at Rick Bank was the only way she’d like you, need you, stay? You were trying, in your own way, to be the cash jock, the guy with enough money for the new truck. It’s all the same. Something to think about before you relaunch Girlfriend Search. And I’m hoping you won’t have to go looking too hard.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Going it alone on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hmm… where to begin. It’s not like this is exactly your typical BG-solved sitch, but then again, maybe it’s worthy of your superpowered consideration. File this under “Surviving when single.”

A bit of background. I’m 27 and single, which I’m fine with — or at least trying to be. It’s getting to the point, though, that lots of my friends are no longer single. I’m WAY fine with that. (Gives me hope.) My two friends from college, and my two friends that they’re married to (roommates married roommates — is that cute or what?) have recently moved into my area. The couples have stayed in pretty close touch. Now, I’m DYING to get together to catch up and reminisce, but there are a few problems.

1. Although I’m fine with being the “odd number,” it could make things a bit weird. I’d ask someone to join me, but talk about your “odd numbers” — have you ever gone along as a “second” out with a bunch of old friends? NOT pretty. How to defuse the tension of being “the lone singleton?”

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Going Greek on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Last year, I had a really big crush on this guy and I asked him out. Well, he had a girlfriend, and since I rarely saw him, I was able to get over it. Fast-forward to this year. Turns out he’s in two of my classes. I have to see him every day and on weekend trips (for debate, one of the classes we share). He still has a girlfriend, I think. The problem is, I just can’t get over him. He’s cute and smart (he quotes Plato) and all that. I just want to move on!

— Amanda

Dear Amanda,

That is totally annoying. In fact, “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable” (Laws, 808). Unfortunately, all there is to do is keep things platonic with him and set your sights on someone else in the Republic.

Love,
Breakup Girl

A return customer from September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Yes, it is I, Lisa, once again, from the Jessica / Sherman thing. And normally I would hate you completely and never read your column again for leaving my on the edge of my seat waiting for a SMALL response. But you’re truly lucky, because now I have a bigger predicament.

I have know this guy *call him Stephen* for three years, and we have been the sweetest of friends. I’ve always gone to his house on Friday nights and played video games all night, and he’d attend all my cheerleading competitions. It has been the sweetest. The strange thing about our relationship is that we’re sexually active. We fool around pretty much every chance we get, and it’s pretty much a secret, only his best friend and my best friend know about it.

Anyways, this new girl moved in recently *call her Desiree*. Of course Stephen hooked up with her, which I was happy about. But I warned her beforehand that Stephen doesn’t date girls for too long.

So yesterday we were going to the video store when him and his friend T started talking about how everyone should quit talking about me and Stephen. So I asked what was going on and they clued me in that he dumped her yesterday, and now everyone is talking about beating me up because I supposedly broke them up.

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a guy who’s Confused about a girl. And who wouldn’t be, with these kinds of mixed messages:

I work with a woman that I’m very attracted to. We’ve been out with each other numerous times and intimate a couple of times. … She says she isn’t looking for anything serious right now because her ex-boyfriend is still in the picture and she just doesn’t know what she wants right now, which is fine by me. … However, anytime she knows I’m talking to another woman, she gets jealous.

What’s going on? Should he say something? Check out the full letter along with Lynn’s take, then come back here and comment below!