Moving on on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend broke up with me about three months ago for (at the time not much of a reason other than “I love you but I need to do this right now” and “I am bored”). Quite contradictory, I know, but anyway…we have remained close friends throughout this and now we are going to the prom. Then he drops the bomb that he is seeing someone and is that OK? I feel heart-broken again because I didn’t think he was moving on quite yet. I feel like we are extremely compatible and are meant for each other, I truly believe that. It seems that nobody (not even me) understands our relationship. Here is the question: If I am “supposed” to move on and am not, then does that mean that this love that I have fallen into is meant to be? I am not obsessed or anything, I just want to know if there is anything left to do!

— Jolene

BG schools Jolene after the jump …

Misunderstood on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 17 and a junior in high school. I was going out for two months with this guy named James, but how we ended up breaking up was really strange. I called him one night to ask what was wrong and he misunderstood me and thought I was trying to break up with him (don’t ask me how he got it mixed up). Anyway, when our band class went to Florida for a trip, one of my best friends hooked James up with a freshman. Everyone told me that he didn’t really like this girl (who we’ll just call Penny). But that was a month ago, and I never see the two of them together, and I actually don’t know if they were ever really going out. Anyway, prom is coming up and I really want to ask him. His best friend told me that James does not really want to spend the money to go to big dances like prom. I was going to ask him, but he and I do not talk as much as we used to. We both went our separate ways, and we don’t even say a simple “hi” to each other in the halls. But I can’t stop thinking about him and want to get back together with him. So what should I do? Should I ask him to prom, and how? How can I get back together with him? How can I start talking to him again? Please help!

— Abigail

BG’s response after the jumop!

Keeping up appearances on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has been really busy lately and things haven’t been going well. (Busy with soccer, work, scouts, church, etc.) I still love him a lot but I think he is uncertain of his feelings for me and broke up with me. I have been trying really hard to be cheery around him (it’s working quite well) so that he won’t feel powerful over me and I’m trying to make him like me again and realize what he’s missing out on. If you could help me find ways to get him back, I’d appreciate it a lot. I smiled at him and said “hi” in the halls today at school and he’s looking about how I feel (he looked upset — sad/angry/depressed — I couldn’t really tell but he was surely upset). Also, I’m a freshman and he’s a junior and he asked me to prom about a month ago. I’ve got the dress, the shoes, the hair appointment, and when he broke up with me he said he still wanted to go but I don’t know if I should or not. Do I go with him as friends? I am not sure he even wants to go — maybe he’s just being nice. And what if I end up going and have a terrible time or realize how much I miss him and start crying? Please help. Thanks.

— Lisa

BG thinks outside the corsage box after the jump

Even if you haven’t had a prom in years, you need to pay attention to the letters this week. Consider it a reminder that (a) prom is a perfect laboratory for Breakup Girl-Approved Relationship Behavior, and (b) you still haven’t sent copies of your photos to Aunt Bessie. Which, given the slinky little black sheath numbers you girls are wearing these days may not be a bad thing.

Speaking of dresses, let Breakup Girl say in her own defense that — even during a time of great fashion unrest (for further research, rent Valley Girl or Breakin’ II: Electric Boogaloo) — her attire for all three proms was really rather lovely. Timeless, even. Enough so that, for example, I recycled the pink and white one into my “Shall We Dance?” costume in “The King and I” (I was “I”). Shout out to Breakup Mom, who, though not a morning person, marched me downtown at 8 AM three years in a row for the Filene’s Basement One-Day-Only Prom Dress Event (drill for Bridal Event?).

Memories of my fashion triumph make up in part for my tattered ego: all three (three!) of my prom dates (including the King) are married (not to each other). All of which is to say: (1) unless you’re forced to go with your cousin, behave as if your prom date is the person you’ll be with forever. But (2) relax, they probably won’t be.

A few class notes from Breakup Girl’s Prom 101: Cumberbunds for Credit.

Ask nicely. No games. No third-party research (someone who’s not smart enough to see through “Um, Chris doesn’t know I’m asking you this, but, uh, if Chris asked you to the prom, would you go?” is not someone Chris should want to go to the prom with). No email!

What part of yes don’t you understand? Once you accept, you are locked in. If Second Choice asks you first, say, “Oh, thank you so much. I’ll get back to you by last period tomorrow.” Suck it up and ask First Choice — and then do what you have to do. Slightly harsh, but could be worse.

TUPPIE scum. If you’re really planning to break up with someone, don’t do the T.U.P. (Together Until Prom) thing. Arguably, s/he would prefer to hang with a good friend (say, Dawson) that night than spend “A Night to Remember” with someone who s/he will later find out was just going through the motions. Also, fewer photos to cut each other out of.