Feeling rejected on July 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

First things first, I couldn’t stop laughing at your response to “Rocket from the Couch!” The entire office had to investigate what I was giggling about.

Anyway, to make it quick, there is this guy that I have a tiny crush on. He works at the local coffee shop and I see him almost every day. Finally, after numerous smiles and “Hey, how’s it going?” he asks what my name is. Of course I ask his and everything is great. He asks for my phone number about a week later and I am really excited. He even calls me and he comes over to my house for a weekend BBQ. He meets all my friends and everything is dandy. I see him the next day and he says that he will call that same night and that we could “hang out.” WELL! He never called me again and I haven’t seen him since. No, no, no, I will not go into the coffee shop. I have found a new coffee shop to get my daily fix. But Breakup Girl, my self-confidence is shot. I feel like a loser and I feel really rejected. I can’t stop thinking about java boy and I feel like I am going crazy! I’m also really pissed off … at him! What can I do???

— Melina

BG’s breaks it down after the jump

Still smarting on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been in a state of depression for the past year. It has been just over a year since my girlfriend walked out on me in a restaurant, never to be seen again. I found lots of your advice helpful; and I even couldn’t resist sending your “Wish You Were Here” card.

I was very much in love, and then nothing. I thought of marrying her, and looked forward to having children. I guess I’m better off in the long run, but as you know, it still hurts.

Around Christmas last year, she sent me a letter telling me how wonderful I am. I took this as a sign that she might want to get back together, but she just responded that no, that wasn’t her intention, she just wanted to “wish me the best” and “by the way, I’ve met this really nice guy.”

I’m very hurt, sad, and angry. I know I should move on, but it scares me so. When you give someone your heart and soul, and they reject it after a 2+ year relationship, one hesitates to get involved again. I’ll visit your pages for more inspiration from time to time. You’ve made me feel a bit better, but there’s still a long way to go to regain my self-esteem. Thanks for listening.

— Michael

Read BG’s reply after the jump…

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn gets pulled over by Sgt. Frustrated, a female cop who’s having trouble detaining the opposite sex…

I’m middle-aged, divorced, in great shape and look young. I also have a very good job and am squared away financially — all pluses. … So, what’s the problem? My career is in law enforcement. And more frequently than I like, potential dates back away from that.

Should this officer even bother with gentlemen who are intimidated by her? Is there something she could be doing differently? Read the full letter and Lynn’s advice at Happen, then comment below!

It’s the cover-up on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

First things first, I think your page is awesome. But the real reason I’m writing to you is because I have a guilty conscience and I’m wondering if what I’m doing is actually wrong. Well see, there’s this guy that I like a lot but I can’t see us ever going out. he’s super nice, and he’s even pretty sexy. My best friend loves him and tells me all about how she fantasizes about him kissing her and being with him — me, I don’t have to wish, because we’re fooling around behind her back. The only thing that I feel bad about is that one time we (ME and HIM) were talking and he said that he wanted to tell everyone about us and I can’t do that because my best friend thinks he’s like a GOD or something, so I know it would hurt her. I meant to tell her the first time we kissed but when I called her she told me that he had talked to her that day and she got her hopes up about them hooking up. So now I don’t know how I should tell her about us. I know she’ll get REALLY mad if I tell her that we have been for a pretty long time, but I don’t think she’d care if I told her he’d just kissed me — she’d probably be psyched for me. So, is it okay to lie to her this once, or should I stay straight?

— Guilty?

BG sets her straight after the jump

Seeing things clearly on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

How can I get guys to realize that just because I have glasses doesn’t mean I’m a geek? Without my glasses on I look really pretty, because everyone has told me that. Help me shake some sense into these boys!

— Meghan

Dear Meghan,

IF it is at all true that Men Don’t Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses, then it’s not because they make you look bad, it’s because they make you look … smart. This is ridiculous on many levels. We all know that glasses do not equal brains (I mean, look at Velma. She has glasses, and that still doesn’t mean she’s smart enough to… get contacts). Also, even if this stereotype were true, you’d think these boys would be psyched to date someone smart; perhaps, however, they are needlessly intimidated. Maybe they think you read more than them and they’re afraid that you’ll make all of these witty literary references (“I thought the book ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ was better than the movie”) that will go straight over their heads. What-ever.

(more…)

British literature has spawned many of our romantic ideals, from Romeo to Mr. Darcy. Posted without commentary, Carrie Frye at the Awl has compiled a list of 111 Male Characters Of British Literature, In Order Of Bangability. But of course British literature is not all Shakespeare and Jane Austin, so the author must tackle questions such as, Who would you rather do: Frankenstein or Uriah Heep? (Numbers 111 and 110 respectively!) Here’s how some other favorites fared:

96. Dr. Watson (“A Study In Scarlet”)
95. Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
…
78. Leopold Bloom (Ulysses)
…
63. Romeo (Romeo and Juliet)
…
49. Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray)
48. King Arthur (The Once and Future King)
…
44. Robin Hood (Piers Plowman)
…
34. Tarzan/Lord Greystoke (Tarzan of the Apes)
33. Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone)
32. Aslan (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe)
…
23. James Bond (Casino Royale)
…
12. Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
…
3. Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
2. Strider/ Aragorn (The Lord of the Rings)
1. Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)

Check out the full list at The Awl!

Finding a balance on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Is there a moral or ethical imperative to break up with someone you KNOW to have hopelessly stronger feelings for you than you have now (or may ever have) for them? Or is the burden on them to take the information they have been given (accurately reflecting this emotional imbalance) and make their own decision as to their life and if they get hurt along the way, it really was their fault anyway?

— Chris

Dear Chris,

You and Jamie Summers have a lot in common. Rather than supplying equally legalicious commentary, let me take this, prose-wise, in the opposite direction:

Let the person know. Let it sink in for a while; see what happens. Don’t look for some “imperative;” see how you feel. If and when “guilt” exceeds “fun,” you’ll know what to do. Just promise to say it in English (and without parentheses).

Love,
Breakup Girl

Predicament of the Week from June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

After three years together and two years of friendship my girlfriend broke up with me…over the phone. She informed me that she did not want a relationship and then refused to talk to me about it because she was late for a movie! I tried calling her later that evening and once more she refused to talk about the breakup, only saying she enjoyed being single, and hung up on me. A few days later she sent me an e-mail saying that she never said goodbye and that she needed time; our time together, she went on, was important to her, and she would never give up all the gifts and stuffed toys I had given her over the years. She told me she would call me on Thursday — well, Thursday came and went and she did not call. I worried, so I called her and her first words were, “I’m going out with someone else now and there is no chance of us getting back together.”

It only gets worse after the jump…

A happy ending on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Just something to add to your great Prom series. When I was at the age of worrying about prom dates, I found myself in the situation of having no steady guy to ask. I also knew that if I didn’t do something soon, I would probably end up going alone.

What did I do?
I took my future into my own hands (something that took a lot of nerve) and walked up to this guy i was fairly interested in. And amazing things happened! He was a friend of mine, but not one of those really close friends. I asked him if he hade a date for the prom (even though I knew full well that he didn’t). When he said he didn’t, I asked him if he would like to go with me. He said yes. What happened next is the truly amazing stuff. He suddenly started paying a lot more attention to me than he previously had, joining the backstage team I was on, sending me letters, and just generally being a nice FRIEND. At some point between the date of asking and the prom, we started going out together. We actually went out for FIVE years. The moral of the story? Just go for it. You never know what might happen.

— Sam

BG responds: Who-hoooo!

Dancing as fast as she can on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago but he still likes me. A lot! Now his friend likes me also and my ex asked me to the prom but I would feel funny going with him so now I am going with his friend instead. I’m mad at my ex — he follows me around — but I don’t want to hurt him; I only want to be friends. Should I feel guilty about going to the prom with his friend even though he asked me first?

— Sandra

Dear Sandra,

You have hereby demonstrated the one major exception to Breakup Girl’s yes-means-yes rule when it comes to accepting prom dates. Normally, it’s No Backsies. But when your ex asks you — given how weird and changeable all these feelings and situations can be — BG will cut you some slack for saying yes in the chill of the moment and then reneging. Still, you do have to make sure you’ve been straight and up front with your ex about the date-switch sitch. Especially ’cause you’re going with his friend. In an ideal world you’d be going to prom with, oh, Jared Leto, as opposed to your ex’s friend; but Breakup Girl realizes that, especially in smaller schools, some of these overlapping circles are unavoidable. Anyway, make sure your ex realizes that you’re not doing this to be mean; you’re really sorry, but you just realized that you really wouldn’t feel comfortable … which wouldn’t make you the most fun date in prom history, yada yada yada. And neither will feeling guilty. So yeah, you can have both a good time and a good heart.

Love,
Breakup Girl