Ayuh!

What the Fudge? Judy Blume is giving advice to teens on the message boards over at Random Buzz! (via BuzzFeed!)

Accident-explanatory slings!

Now if they could just make one for hearts.

… who are not Chris! Or Mike!

Read the piece at Nerve.com to find out how to make your love life go from stop-motion to Flash! Or something. (Chris didn’t write this post, either.)

Bonus: here’s where you can go on your first date.

Fairly Honest Bill is back!

At BG’s request, he was kind enough to offer this noble, wrenching epilogue:

Suzanne was the smartest & most beautiful woman I ever met, even to this day. I wear or own 2 pieces of jewelry, period: a ring with 3 small diamonds that I loaned a friend $20.00 & he could buy it back at anytime so I wear it in case he ever shows up (been 11 years) & the watch Suzanne gave me in 1983.

8 days before we were to be married, with both family & friends in town, the police found out that I had been deported 3 times for working with out a work visa & arrested me. She came to see me in jail. I told her that she worked so hard to become a lawyer & had a career ahead of her, it was best that I should go back to the states & she should claim that I was just a bad boy  boyfriend that never told her about my past. We left it at “We would talk one more time after I got deported.” Well we never did have that talk.

I Google her name every week  for anything new but all I know is she a director of a shelter for battered Women in British Columbia. I don’t know if she ever married or not. I’ve set aside a little money everyday so that if we ever have that talk she promised I would have some  money for her to make up for any damage I did to her career. Maybe someday she will walk through my front door & ring that bell again.

Oh Bill! We hope she does. And we know she’s not the only one who’ll be drawn to your singular, sincere charms. Remember the original Cortina Principle, whence this all began: “Take a close look at yourself, then take a good look around — you’ll be surprised by how much you have in common with other people, and how much there is to talk about.”

From Talking Points Memo:

It used to be that when you saw two men and one woman under a chuppah, everyone’s assigned role was clear. Not any more.

Dig this swoontastic photo essay of Mr. and Mrs. President of the United States. They still look as in love as they were during their first 100 days!

Gays: You can get married in Iowa. But if you tell anyone, you’ll get kicked out of the Guard.

More here.

The dog days of February 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I lived with Dave for three years. Asked him to move out two months ago. He is gone, but his stuff (most of it) is still here (and his dog — I want the dog). He refuses to give me back his key to my house because he wants to be able to “see” the dog when ever he wants to. How do I flush him (he’s a plumber), get rid of his stuff, keep the dog, and get my key? Thus going on with my life?

— Margie

Dear Margie,

Sorry, sistah. If visitation isn’t working, all items — canine and otherwise — must go back to their original owner. Get your own dog.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Secrets revealed on February 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m seeing a girl who has very sensitive feelings — something I did not know about at the outset of the ‘relationship.’ It seemed that we were just seeing each other for the sake of not being lonely; there was no true love behind it. She was a virgin and I figured she was looking to change that with someone she felt close to. After we made love, she became very attracted to me, but she has told me twice that she’s not in love with me. However, she seems latched on to me and awaits every one of my phone calls obsessively.

I must admit it was a selfish thing for me to do but I need your help. I want to tell her that it’s best that we don’t see each other but I don’t know how because I know that she’ll break down and cry (she’s done it before). Basically, I don’t want to break her heart because her family and friends consider me a good person and I don’t want to change that! I want to do something now, before this situation becomes a mess! Thanks for your help.

— Danny

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