An all-nighter from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had been going out with a recently divorced lady with three kids under the age of 12. Long story short, kids love me, she said she did, but never really gave me the attention, and recently told me adios. I am broken totally. I had hoped for the future. I’m 43, work 2 AM – 9:30 AM Monday-Friday. My prospects are nil. I feel totally lost. I just don’t know how to get going again. I am not a bar guy, and am not real aggressive in “hitting on” women. I like myself, think I’m a great catch. I like having a partner; ’tis what helps make life more fun. Give me a road map, if you can. Just some advice that I can really use.

— Peter
Dear Peter,

Okay, here’s some. Start a social group in your community called “People with Weird Schedules and The People Who Love Them.” Breakup Girl is quite serious. There have to be people out there in the same predicament who are dying to attend an event like an “‘E.R.’ Pancake Breakfast.” Advertise in the paper, at the grocery store, on the Web. And keep at it: I just read something about a social group for tall people in NYC whose first meeting had about six people — now they have to rent convention halls. Good luck!

Love,
Breakup Girl

The “Predicament of the Week” from January 12, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had been engaged to this girl for eight months and I had been going with her for a couple of years. I phoned her one night to see what she was doing and was told that she was gone for a walk. So I waited a few hours and phoned again. The second time I spoke with her little sister and was told she was out walking with the guy from up the road. They had been out walking for three hours and it had gotten dark an hour before. So I went to find my wayward wife to be. When I arrived at her place she was there waiting for me. She told me this story…

(more…)

Again I say: Those poor kids.

From the Times of London, via TPM:

In an election campaign notable for its surprises, Sarah Palin, the Republican vice- presidential candidate, may be about to spring a new one — the wedding of her pregnant teenage daughter to her ice-hockey-playing fiancé before the November 4 election.

Inside John McCain’s campaign the expectation is growing that there will be a popularity boosting pre-election wedding in Alaska between Bristol Palin, 17, and Levi Johnston, 18, her schoolmate and father of her baby.

“It would be fantastic,” said a McCain insider. “You would have every TV camera there. The entire country would be watching. It would shut down the race for a week.”

The Evil League of Evil is seeking new applicants.

Ask Lynn is, long story short, on a very brief hiatus pending some restructuring over at MSN.com (powered by Match.com).

Meantime, enjoy/comment on previous columns, and oh, find the love of your life.

Poor Amelia over at The Frisky calls herself “one of the few” who loved the movie “The Break Up” (sic)* (WHY don’t movie people SPELL CHECK?!), “mainly because it made [her] laugh in that, ‘Haha, this is totally the way me and the fiance would be behave if we ever broke up, but I’m able to laugh about it because, haha, we are NEVER going to break up so it’ll never become a bitter reality!'” way.

Oops.

Now the movie is on her — and, we’re guessing, also Jennifer Aniston‘s — list of “10 Movies, TV Shows, and Songs to Avoid During a Breakup.” Many of which, I should note, are not what you might expect.

But only 10? I know, right? Add yours here!

* “breakup,” NOUN, one word: the end of a romantic relationship; “break up,” VERB, two words: to end a romantic relationship, possibly over grammar and spelling violations.

First, the “Accidental Cougar” — now, the on-purpose ones.

“He was a lovely person and loved to go out with me,” says “Brazilian beauty” Maria Gracinda Teixeira de Jesus, now 77, “fondly [recalling] the affair she had with the young ‘good kissing’ midshipman” she dated in 1957. “I called him ‘John’ but he was my dear and my coconut dessert.”

*H/T Rachel Maddow show

[Lame note: Whoops! I thought I posted this days ago, when it was actually, like, news. Now it’s just a behind-the-times coco-treat for the three of you who missed it.]

Gawker’s SciFi blog i09 flirts with the eternal question — also explored on How I Met Your Mother — “Sure they love me, but can they love my Star Wars?”

It’s all fun and games until the Firefly box is opened, and all of a sudden you’re caught defending space pirates. How I Met Your Mother’s season premiere perfectly covered this silly question that those of us with short fuses and huge science fiction collections often find ourselves in….It’s a sweet look at the geeking out we all do when our most favorite movie is on and you really, really hope that your friend/buddy/significant other/or homeless guy on the street will enjoy it as much as you will. The nice thing about HIMYM’s take on the “deal breaker” movie is that at least Sarah Chalke was smart enough to lie. Which is my advice to those of you just getting into the scifi game.

Just this week a beautiful girl approached me and asked what she should do as she “discovered” her fiances’ in-depth collection of Star Trek episodes. I told her to ask him to play her his favorite episodes that he thought she would like, open a bottle of wine (or two), and if she didn’t like it just let him know he can have all the fun friend time he wants with his buddies that want to come over for Trek marathons.

I’m not saying all relationships lacking a mutual love of sci fi are totally lost to the dark side, but if your love interest isn’t willing to at least sample your geeky taste along with a bottle of wine, maybe they are not the droid you’re looking for?

(Bonus: io9 also asks this excellent question: “My favorite can-not-live-with-out-deal-breaker-if-they-don’t-at-least-pretend-to-like-it movie is and probably always will be Aliens. What’s yours?”)

Single gals! Vote early and often.