Breakup Girl is very busy right now, what with the giddy whirlwind of festivities and shopping expeditions and her Herculean efforts to get you all to say to each other, “Can’t we drop it? It’s Christmas!” But it’s tough. The level of love and cuteness and romance and pressure and, like, red felt everywhere right now is, if anything, a warmup for February, when BG gets really busy. You know, with President’s Day.

Anyway, BG has been going to so many fiestas that she’s had no time to remember that she hasn’t sent a single card. But there’s always time for advice, so here are a couple of BG Holiday Party Tips:

> The holiday party hookup. Bound to happen. Why? Because eggnog doesn’t taste spiked.

• Breakup Girl’s Tip: Make sure you know what you’re doing. Alternate eggnogs with a beverage that does taste spiked.

> The holiday party breakup. Now that’s a deadly combination. Doubles your chances of making poor food choices.

• Breakup Girl’s Tip: never go to the party hungry. I usually accomplish this by attending another party first.

The winter holidays can be a tough time of year whether or not there’s a dependent Claus in your life. It’s hard to be single at Yuletide, because for one thing, you have to hear your parents say things like, “Won’t your friend be joining us this year?” and “Well, did you sit with anyone interesting on the train?” and “Are you sure you have a good dermatologist?” It’s also hard to be in a couple at the holidays, because it’s … expensive. What to do? How much to spend? Where to kiss? What is wassail? Here’s Breakup Girl’s mini-FAQ…

Should I buy my new boyfriend/girlfriend a holiday present?

Ah, a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. (There’s also the less common — but perhaps more serious — problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example. )

So here’s the rule of thumb: at the early stage, your presents should not be commanding. In other words,
DO: pick up a little something sweet, warm, or fuzzy — chocolate, mittens, dice — that says “Hey there, I think you’re kinda sweet, warm, and fuzzy.”
DON’T regale him with anything time-consuming, grand, or intimidating — a ten-course dinner, a romantic weekend at a B&B, a mortgage — that says “Sit here, stay here, sign here.” Give someone new that kind of Christmas gift, and I give your relationship, oh, 12 days.

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