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  You & A Guest

March 18, 1999

You &...
three guys who are not necessarily man's best friends ....

Bradley Gerstman, Esq.
Christopher Pizzo, C.P.A.
and Richard Seldes, M.D.

authors of
the New York Times bestseller

now in paperback!

Christopher Pizzo, C.P.A., Bradley Gerstman, Esq., and Richard Seldes, M.D.

Here's what you wanted to know!

Sunset29 asks, "Why did the three of you decide to write this book?"

So many of our women friends and colleagues would come to us and ask our advice about men, dating and relationships. Women valued what we had to say because not only were we regular guys, quite like the men they were dating, but more importantly we pulled no punches. We told them the truth. No matter how much the truth hurt, it was still better than living the life of deceit their so-called boyfriends were leading them through. We didn't always tell them what they wanted to hear but they valued what we had to tell them. What we had to say spared women a lot of pain caused by men who would never get serious with them and allowed women to understand when they had a good man on the line. We helped them figure out how toWeed Out Mr. Wrong and Nurture Mr. Right.

Johanna asks, "Do you see it as a service to all frustrated women out there?"

It isn't a service as much as it is just straightforward honest advice. Men rarely open up and speak about how they feel about women HONESTLY and CANDIDLY. Women deserved to know what was really going on in the mind and heart of the professional man. We narrow -- not broaden -- the communication gap between the sexes.

Sharpshark asks, "You say men don't appreciate women who play hard to get. Where's the line between being a mild "challenge" and playing serious "hard to get?"

Men don't have time for the chase. Wouldn't you want to know sooner rather than later if the person you are dating is the one for you? Posing a challenge only preys on a man's insecurity. Sure, he may chase but he's not chasing after you, he is chasing after the challenge itself. Once he has conquered the challenge, there is nothing left. Mild challenges happen naturally through the chemistry and attraction between a couple. Strategic, manipulative behavior will get you nowhere with a man. [That evil link was BG's idea. -- BG]

55Pilot asks, "Were you targeting a specific age range for the book's readership? i.e.: do you think that your advice doesn't pertain to some--primarily younger-- men because they're not necessarily looking for a relationship?"

We thought we were targeting single women between the ages of 21 and 30. However, since What Men Want was published, we have received feedback from women from 18 - 75. The women who have emailed us, written to us and have come to our book signings seem to be in the 35 - 50 year old age group. We have been told by all women of all ages that this book is for every woman, single, married, divorced, young or old. I believe the advice is not only on point with younger professional men (it was our experience as younger professionals that was the backbone for what we wrote about), we have also received feedback from men upwards of 40 and 50 years old that we hit the nail right on the head.

Candice asks, "Why do guys say they'll call and then don't? Why don't they just say what they really mean?"

That's just it: they don't know what they mean at the time. Men are very insecure when it comes to women. When a man says "I'll call you," all it means is that he will think about calling, he might call or he might not call. Most often a man's fear of rejection overtakes him and forces him to chicken out. He may think that she wasn't interested or that she won't remember him. We found women beating themselves up over this and blaming themselves. There's no reason for them to do that.

DaveW asks, "Have any of you found your own shining living breathing female example of "what men want?" :)

Well, I -- Chris -- have been with my girlfriend for the past eight months. And since What Men Want was published Brad and Rich got engaged. Not to each other, I mean; to their girlfriends.

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