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Dear Breakup Girl,

I sure wish there'd been someone like you around when I was young! Can you help me now? I realize my problem may not make interesting reading, but please take pity on me and give me your advice! I am 45 and I just can't stand the dating market. I am very attractive, have no kids and I'm lots of fun. Men RUN AWAY from me. I have the TEMERITY to want a man my own age in similar good shape...can you imagine?? I guess it's another one of those damn double standards, because the old guys adore me and I can't stand them. My question: do you know of a chat room or support group for women who have given up on relationships?? I will probably live another 40 years if I don't get hit by a bus and I'm wondering what to do with myself. I would imagine other women have been faced with problem of passing the time in intelligent pursuits, sans partner.

Keep up the good work, chicky!

-- Katherine

Dear Katherine.

For the chats, maybe try ivillage (you can even suggest your own topic). But stick around here long enough for -- speaking of temerity -- my very bold statement. The "older guys" adore you because you're ...feisty! The men your own age flee you because you're ... scary! If you approach "the market" with the same "Poor me, I'm not worth it ... hey, screw you for not liking me, loser!!! ... aw, f*ck this whole thing!!!!" attitude ... well, there you go. I'm not saying, "Hey, Kath, just try and be PERKIER, okay, hon?" And I'm sure that you are "lots of fun" in real life; I will allow for the fact that yes, breakupgirl.net is where you don't have to put on Date Face. But try this gearshift: you're the bus, Katherine. Slow down. Put the brakes on those foregone conclusions. Let the sarcasm idle. Don't dare people to like you; trust that they will. It's different.You will not explode. And they will not dive out of your way.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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