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Dear Breakup Girl,
What do you suggest for someone who is dealing with the guilt of being the dumper, so they don't go back to heal the broken heart?
-- Scott

Dear Scott,
Splendid question. Breakup Girl has always fought for dump-ers' rights -- to make known the fact that while dumpees have to deal with rejection, loneliness, hurt, etc., dumpers have to deal with the fact that they started it. It's a rotten feeling, especially in the case of those hideous gray-area, gut-feeling breakups where just because you don't see yourselves together in forty years doesn't mean you don't care.

IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: No matter how much you care, you cannot be the one to help your ex through the breakup you caused. It's too close, too much, too weird -- like dating your therapist, in reverse -- and it doesn't work. (Sleeping together will not "help" either, by the way.) So don't fall all over yourself trying to do penance and show that you are a Good Person. The nicest, kindest thing you can do is to listen to whatever she has to say, and then leave her alone.
Love,
Breakup Girl

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