Remember my rant about manners? Here — out of courtesy — I’ll spare you the trouble of clicking all the way back and just repeat I said: by “manners” I don’t mean complicated fork systems and all the other stilted stuff they do in “Titanic.” I mean bottom-line respect, graciousness, civility. See, Hillary Clinton consults Eleanor Roosevelt; Breakup Girl consults Miss Manners (who, she hastens to add, is very much alive and well). Although the popularity of yoga seems to have made New Yorkers a tad less snappish, I do agree with the magnificent Miss M. that the decline of polite, dignified, respectful behavior has contributed to the decline of society at large and of romantic relationships – as well as to the rise of ickiness in breakups. Reminds me of a passage from Patricia Wells’ divine book Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. When the daughter complains to her mom that she “doesn’t know how to love,” her mom responds: “Good God, child! … Do you think any of us know how to love? … Do you think anybody would ever do anything if they waited until they knew how to love? … Forget love. Try good manners.”

Don’t take that “forget love” thing literally. Here’s the point: don’t ask yourself: “What bad behavior will love — or lack thereof — excuse right now?” Ask yourself: “What good manners make this whole mess a little easier for everyone right now?”

The instances of tackiness that appear below — highlighted in blue — speak for themselves: listen to them.

Oh, and you third-party bystanders/confidants are not exempt: just for the record, secretly tape-recording a lovelorn friend’s phone conversations and turning them over to a Washington attorney is tacky.

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had this wonderful relationship with a …well, a jerk now, but at the time I thought he was great. We were even discussing marriage (obviously, not very seriously). On our eight-month anniversary, he called me at work and broke up with me. We exchanged stuff, and all was quiet for six months, until just a little while ago on my birthday. He drove by my house to put a birthday card in my mailbox. My question is: why didn’t he mail it, especially since I live an hour and a half away from him? The only message inside was “Happy Birthday,” scribbled, and his signature. Should I call him, or just leave him be? Explain this situation to me, Breakup Girl!

— Zoe

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The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

When my boyfriend and I broke up, he said that we would always be friends and that for the rest of the school year he wouldn’t go out with anyone. We haven’t talked since — and now he is going out with one of my good friends! What should I do? I want to be friends with him, but he broke a promise.

— Kayleigh

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The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue..

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a 36-year-old woman who’s seeing this guy, 30, for about two months. I saw him last on a Sunday evening and I called him on the following Tuesday evening but did not get a return call. I have called him several times and asked him to call me and asked what happened. What did I do? I‘ve even seen him at a bar and he totally ignored me. It has been a little over a month now and I have heard nothing. From your experiences, what would you say happened? I realize I’m better off but hate the feeling of being ignored for no reason.

–Janet

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The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a young professional woman establishing my career and I’ve been through enough relationships (good and bad) in the past. Now, I feel uninterested in the dating scene or having a boyfriend at all. I would so much prefer to simply have “lovers” available at a congenial convenience. Many of my friends think I’m being immoral or am in a weird state of relationship denial when I simply have no desire for a heavy emotional commitment. What are your thoughts on this situation? Am I wanting to have my cake and eat it too?

— Single and Happy

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