With a side of “men=pigs” (sic). From Samhita at Feministing:

The endless obsession with how women are going to die alone because they have brains and casual sex [and “post-feminist” “freedom” –BG] has truly become the gift that keeps on giving. Mix one part college student sample, a few scattered inconsistent findings based on loosely correlated “evidence,” sweeping generalizations reinforcing female anxiety around mating and some slut-shaming for good measure and voila, you have yourself “relationship advice” from a “doctor.” The CNN health blog writes about a new book, Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think about Marrying, by none other than “get married early” Mark Regenerus and sociologist Jeremy Ueker.

CNN concludes from a precursory look at the book men have the upper hand in the sexual economy. This is not  because women are judged based on their promiscuity or lack thereof in a way that men rarely are or because men face pressure to have casual sex like a stud and deny their romantic feelings for relationships. Or because when you are a woman between 18-23 male attention and the desire to “be in a relaysh” has more impact on your self esteem then say when you are a 30-somethinger like me. Or maybe because by 23, you still don’t know what you want out of a relationship. No, no, men have the upper hand in sex and dating because women have too much freedom, sex and education. [See CNN file photo w/article, left, of young woman relishing her freedom.]

[CNN:] Researchers found that since women in the 18- to 23-year-old group feel they don’t need men for financial dependence, many of them feel they can play around with multiple partners without consequence, and that the early 20s isn’t the time to have a serious relationship. But eventually, they do come to want a real, lasting relationship. The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady. [Go steady? – BG]

“Women have plenty of freedom, but freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want,” Regnerus said. [“So maybe you don’t need it so much. At least not if you want a man.” — BG]

Though it’s not based entirely on fiction, it’s rife with unexamined assumptions. Bottom line, if women no longer need men then why would they be competing for men? Feh.

Bonus: Good stuff on men being humans! With feelings! here.

According to this analysis, Superman is a moderate Republican, Wonder Woman a socialist, and Hulk “just want to be left alone” (libertarian). Whatever your leaning, please get out and vote. In a way, it’s your civilian superpower: please wield it (ideally, for good). If you haven’t already, learn about candidates, find your polling place, and remember, voting is a Breakup Girl issue. These folks may have a direct say in:

• how you learn about sex

• how you protect yourself if you have it

• education and law enforcement behind healthy relationships

• what you do with and how you’re able to take care of your body

• how much money you have to spend on dates (or “spa days” with numero uno)

• and, of course, whom you can marry

Please vote for candidates who make choices as sound as you do!

Bonus: Breakup Girl in … Red vs. The Blues!

It’s sort of a “spa day” in hell: a new store in a Chinese mall where women — only women — can go to vent their rage by literally picking up a bat and breaking sh*t. Apparently their frustrations are mainly job[lessness] and economy-related, but of course we can imagine (though perhaps not support) the grand opening of their sister store, Break Your Ex’s Sh*t. I do have some questions, though:

1. Where are the men, going, then? (Naive, probably: I’m guessing that women have fewer societally-sanctioned alternatives for letting all hella loose.)

2. Do we have such places here? According to the comments at Jezebel (h/t for the story), the answer is yes.

3. If you were to open such a place of business, what would you stock it with and why?

You’ve heard this comparison: dates are, for helpful or painful, like job interviews. (In this economy, let’s hope at least one or the other, depending, is plentiful.) But career counselor and author Nicole Williams sees it the other way around: when women (or “girls,” as she calls ‘em)  apply the received dating wisdom of the post-Rules generation — basically, “don’t give the milk away for free” — to their workplace, they can create a new, strong, and female-friendly way of doing business.

Williams’s book, Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success, has been getting mostly positive coverage in magazines as disparate as Money and Cosmo, and is currently ranked at #32 on Amazon’s business books list. Whether you agree or disagree with the tenets of her philosophy, she has some interesting advice for women coping with some typical year-end job bugaboos. We caught up with Williams during her crazybusy book tour.

BG: The recession rages on, and it seems that about 10 percent of the US population has been “dumped.” What are the parallels between the post-breakup “Slanket and Zebra Cakes” period and the first few weeks or months of unemployment?

NW: It’s oh-so similar. Rejection — personal or professional — sucks. But the difference is at the end of the day, as much as you’d like to lay fetal and eat (or frankly drink) your way to delirium, a girl’s got to pay rent! Let yourself have a good cry and feel like shit for a week (or if desperate…two) but you know what they say about getting back up on the horse…Get back out there while your contacts are fresh, your skills are current, your confidence has a pulse and you haven’t convinced yourself all would be fine if you could just land yourself a spot on The Hills.

BG: Those of us still in the workforce will soon be facing the dreaded Holiday Office Party–any tips on how to survive?

I’m fine with the hookup as long as he’s not your boss, you do it after the party (where no one is going to see you), and with someone you actually have a hankerin’ for. I’m not big into one-night work stands–it’s way too hard to see him day-in and day-out if there’s no long term potential. The risk is too great and let’s be honest, there are lots of options out there.

On the drinking front: one is fine, three is not. This is a big occasion where you really can make an impact and it’s better not to do that drunk. Break free of your usual crowd and get to know the big-wigs, talk about something other than the latest financials, and wear something that isn’t your usual office attire. But be careful, it’s not New Year’s party-sexy–it’s still work.

BG: Another recession question: say you like your job OK, but you learn at the year-end company meeting that there will be no raises or bonuses this year. (Not unlike “I love you but I don’t foresee marriage anytime soon”?) Should you stay or should you go?

Such a great question. It’s not just about the cash (although if it’s been years, you’re a high producer and the company is flush…it  is), it’s about the compensation package. Are you learning things and meeting people who you’ll be able to turn into money-making opportunities? Is your boss offering up extra vacation days, some other sort of hearty “thanks”? Is she or he giving you time and attention–offering you constructive feedback, introduction to important people? If your boss isn’t into you (and doing NONE of the above), I’m all about cutting and running. Just remember that in this economy, money isn’t the only indicator of love.

Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., went on Fox News to discuss the war the economy the First Date Night. Rick’s tips for keeping the spark alive (and being married at all): keep the dates simple, focus on the sweet little things, and don’t be black.

Read the transcript at Salon. More at Kos.

Gasp! Brenda Starr has been laid off furloughed!

(More here. Sorry we’re a little late. Even superheros get understaffed!)

What happened to hope sex?

A new poll by The Daily Beast seems to indicate that Americans don’t actually believe “All You Need Is Love.” With everyone suffering in the new economy, they’re not going out on dates, or taking the next big economy-pumping steps like getting married, taking vacations, moving in together, having babies (in whatever order).

In fact, people who took the poll reported more fighting with their mate, having less sex, and being more careful with their birth control. Couples even report staying together to avoid the expense of a breakup, because of the cost of moving and paying separate rents, child support or alimony. (Women almost always suffer a huge drop in the quality of living post-split.)

Eesh. So bleak.

People are hunkering down. As they should. But I’m still an optimist. I hope (there’s that word again) that thrift is the new normal and that people won’t feel ashamed or awkward if they have no cash to flash.

Make special dinners at home? Play those old games you had to have and then forgot about (eh hem, Wii much?), have friends over, go for walks, share books, Google “free condoms,” watch movies and TV online.

Remember when you first liked someone (friend or more) and it didn’t matter what you did together? Their time and effort mattered more than anything else (well, unless you really are that kind of girl). In the new economy, a link to a personally chosen movie on Hulu should be worth more than expensive flowers that die and an argument about money that doesn’t.

When the going gets tough, the inconvenienced write a blog!

Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time – we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com.

These girls are really funny … we hope.

Last month I remarked in my post about status-starved Japanese girls that I’d love to be “New York-married” (my friend Kristyn’s phrase for having a live-in boy/girlfriend) so that I could go halfsies on the rent for my one-bedroom flat.

But I’d better never find myself New York-divorced, lest I wind up having to reconfigure that 1br into a “cozy 2br share!” like some no-longer-couples are being forced to do, says this AP story from last week. It’s the economy, snookums!

“With the recession and the collapse of the housing market, more and more couples who have broken up are continuing to live under the same roof, according to judges and divorce lawyers. Some are waiting for housing prices to rebound; some are trying to get back on their feet financially.”

And some, I suppose, are Netflixing a movie or two to help find a thread of black humor in the whole sucky sitch. And watching them from their half of the couch.

Already with the November-of-love children!

Update: More from Broadsheet …

Some said it early; now others are saying it often: On Election Night, ecstatic voters yelled, “Yes, we can! Yes! Yes! YES!” 

Sept. 11 gave us the desperate grope for end-of-days closeness dubbed “terror sex.” Nov. 4, reportedly, has given us hope sex: the ecstatic urge to, you know, like our man in Grant Park, connect with regular people. The drive to make love, not a $6 billion war. The panting anticipation of an administration that, with the possible exception of Lynne Cheney, is not completely weird about sex. And thus — as Jezebel suggests today — given our now-possible vision of a baby-worthy world, perhaps even a tossing of condoms to the wind (especially now that we may no longer need to hoard them). Abstinence, schmabstinence, baby!

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